Sex tales from the crypt: Towson students spill their most embarrassing sex stories

VDAY-sextales-03

Since this is our special Valentine’s Day ~sex edition~ of the Towerlight, we wanted to collect a few embarrassing/fun/funny sex stories from students. Because, you know, everyone has a couple (and if you don’t, you’re either lying, or really, really lucky when you’re getting lucky). Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or dabbling in one-night stands, sex can be weird, and sometimes pretty terrible, just by the nature of the thing.

Because we’re all human, because most of us live with roommates or parents, and because our bodies are these strange vessels that tend to emit smells, sounds and fluids at the worst possible and most intimate times, we were able to collect these anonymously-submitted tales of sexual woe. Maybe you’ll see your own on here. Or maybe next time something similar happens to you, you won’t feel so alone.

  • “On the night I lost my virginity, we were too drunk for either of us to ‘finish,’ and the dude went to McDonald’s with his friends right afterward without even asking me if I wanted anything.”

 

  • “We were super drunk one night that my parents weren’t home and lost the condom wrapper somewhere in my room. Forgot all about it until my mom found it a couple weeks later. Oops.”

 

  • “The first time I got drunk, I got seven shots in and we started having sex. Midway through I told my boyfriend, ‘I’m your slut.’ He tried explaining to me why you can’t be a slut in a committed relationship but I wasn’t having it.”

 

  • “I was with a guy and I was on top. And I wasn’t feeling anything happening *down there* so I told him to you know… Stick it in. He said, “It is in.” Turns out he was just really small. Whoops.”

 

  • “My girlfriend (at the time) and I were in my room doing the nasty when my 13-year-old dog walked in. We ignored him and just kept going because that’s what people do, I guess. Well she was riding on top and I guess he liked what he saw. My dog had lived a long life and this must have been on his bucket list, so he snuck up right behind her and licked right up her behind. Needless to say, she was a little surprised. The look on her face was priceless! I laughed. She left.”

 

  • “Once, I gave a blowjob to the guy I was seeing without realizing someone else was in the room.”

 

  • “Every time I have sex it’s embarrassing.”

 

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