Why I don’t want to live alone post-grad

By: Jonathan Munshaw, Editor-in-Chief

There is no way that I’d be OK with moving back home. I’m from St. Mary’s County, Maryland, and there is absolutely nothing there. I mean nothing. The closest IHOP is 30 minutes away.

The only real retail places to work are 20 minutes away. My idea of a Saturday night out when I’m home is hitting up Wawa for subs and the pre-made slices of Reese’s pie that they sell.

But I also don’t want to live alone. Such is the post-graduate dilemma. If I was to be employed somewhere in the area, I’d love to still live in Towson, but with all of my friends graduating, and my undergraduate friends already locking down their living situations, I’m running out of options. Fast.

If I don’t lock down a job soon, I could end up living alone in a studio apartment, which to me is terrifying.

And, since I love making lists in my Ed Desks, here’s a definitive ranking of all the reasons why living alone in a studio apartment sounds awful.

5. My only friend will be my (soon-to-be-acquired) pet

If I were to move in alone, there’s a 100 percent chance I’m purchasing a pet. Something needs to keep me company.

Getting a cat would be fine, I love cats. But I’ve recently sold myself on getting a dog (something small, I’m thinking Pomeranian or corgi) because having something else to take care of that’s not a roommate is something I’d still need in my life.

The downside, of course, is that the animal becomes your life.

Need to be at work? What is the dog supposed to do while I’m gone? What if the dog gets lonely? And what if I need to sleep in on the weekends?

Plus, owning a pet only leads to some awkward conversations with strangers. No one wants to hang out with a guy who says, “Hang on, I have to go let my 15-pound dog out.”

Or “I didn’t get much sleep last night, my cat was walking all over me.”

4. I would eat so. Much. Food.

Again, this isn’t all that bad, but as a bigger dude already I can’t afford this.

Now, if I’m making macaroni and cheese, I can just tell my roommate to dig in and we share the burden of eating the cheesy goodness.

Without a roommate, what am I going to do with the leftovers? Likely, I’ll just end up making a trip to the fridge at midnight to heat up the leftovers again. And, when I order pizza and have to meet the $10 delivery minimum, you can be dang sure I’m eating the pizza all in one sitting by myself. Leftover Dominos is less than desirable.

3. I have no one to make jokes with while watching television

By far the best part of my current relationship with my roommate is that we can watch literally anything on television and make jokes about it.

We watched the finale of the first season of “Spartacus” the other day on Netflix (literally one of the bloodiest scenes in television history) and we laughed the whole time while people were stabbed, beheaded and killed.

What am I supposed to do when I’m watching Steve Harvey-era “Family Feud?”

I can’t make jokes about stupid answers people give to myself. If nothing else I’ll start recording my conversations with myself and turn it into a blog that is just jokes along with the timestamps of various episodes of television shows and sporting events.

2. Crippling loneliness

This one is obvious. Every day, I would just come home to an empty apartment (but hopefully a cat or a dog. Or both. I’m not setting boundaries for myself).

Instead of having casual conversation with another human being, I’ll be coming home from work (or chilling and collecting unemployment) with nothing but my own thoughts and Netflix.

Thankfully, “Daredevil” is coming out on Netflix soon, but once I burn through all of those episodes, whom will I talk to? I guess I’ll always have the Bluths. I have a particular connection to Tobias.

1. I’ll always have the impulse in the back of my head to get on Craigslist

When I get tired of my cat walking on top of me in my sleep and talking to a carton of ice cream, there’s going to be days when I feel tempted to get on Craigslist and post an ad for a roommate.

And where will that get me? Killed? Kidnapped? Mugged? Deceived?

Nothing ever good comes of finding a roommate on Craigslist, but it’s always going to be so tempting.

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