April Fools’ 2016: Amy Schumer to be part of Tigerfest, comedy show canceled

breaking news

By: Towerlight Staff Report

Amy Schumer will sing with 3OH!3 during day one of Tigerfest instead of performing in a comedy show later this semester, Towson announced today.

“We just felt that Schumer’s talents as a vocalist outweighed her comedic abilities, and we wanted to give students the best possible show,” CAB Director Ayana Bowman said.

To replace Schumer’s originally scheduled April 10 performance, Towson will instead bring Mike Rowe, a Towson graduate and star of the Discovery Channel’s “Dirty Jobs,” to demonstrate how to properly unclog a toilet or shower drain.

“In college, students should not only learn academic skills, but also practical life skills like how to care for your own restroom,” Acting President Interim President Friendly Brit Provost Tim Chandler said. “Students could save a lot of money later in life if they know how to do these things themselves.”

Students who bought tickets for Schumer’s show will not be refunded, though they can transfer their tickets for Rowe’s demonstration.

However, tickets for “The Rowe Show(e),” start at $75. Anyone who has a ticket for Schumer’s performance is required to pay the difference. Students who don’t will be charged to their bursar account and a registration hold will be placed on their account.

“I, for one, think the cost of admission will be worth it,” Bowman said. “After all, unclogging a toilet is an activity, and we’re the Campus Activities Board.”

Bowman added that the food trucks, inflatables and carnival rides were all still scheduled for day one of the festival–but that day two would be moved to Unitas Field in order to accommodate a larger crowd and to make certain that the noises from the concert would be sure to annoy all of Towson’s neighbors and members of the greater Towson community.

“People need to know that Towson students are here and ready to party,” freshman Jane Snow said.

Schumer will play a critical role in performing Ke$ha’s portion of 3OH!3’s 2010 hit “My First Kiss,” according to Bowman.

“I’m sure that in true Schumer style, there will be a lot of glitter and gold lipstick involved in this performance,” Bowman said.

Since the announcement, Towson students have taken to social media to express their opinions on the change.

“TBH im freaking out. Im Mike Rowe’s biggest fan, cant wait to hear from him!” @tigerkween1996 tweeted.

Sources within the administration, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that President Kim Schatzel would be taking the stage during the second day of Tigerfest to beatbox for both Rae Sremmurd and DJ Mustard.

Schatzel’s staff would not confirm or deny the rumor.

The staff member that The Towerlight spoke to, one of Schatzel’s administrative assistants, ended the call quickly. As the assistant was hanging up, beatboxing could be heard in the background.

APRIL FOOLS!

 

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